Nobody knows it but Me

So here I am, 1.18 a.m december 31st 2010, awake and bloody pissed off!
(Damn! I almost made it through 2010 without having to think about this for once!)
So I wakeup to go take a leak and to get off my bed, I had to support my left leg with my hand. An action that would ordinarily mean nothing.
But right now it does...
Cos that sentence I read some hours ago is suddenly pasted in my head again!
Tears rush to my eyes but won't come out.
Words rush to my head but no one to listen.
So I turn to my laptop. I turn to the ink of my mind.
But then I paused. These words are not kind words and in my rage, they definitely will not come out well. Most importantly, I think I'll offend God. And inspite of all these, He's been very good to me.
So I turn to the words of my friend misstee in this wonderful piece titled "thisABILITY" (she must have been reading my mind when she wrote this)


In a crowd I am jostled
From right to left I hobble
A condition without remedy
A fixture in stand up comedy
The sound of the laughter
A contrast to my life's chapter
I swallow my misgivings
On bent legs I earn a living.

I long to be wanted
Appreciated
Celebrated
But with your eyes I'm castigated
Relegated
Rejected
Most times isolated
A price paid for a condition not I created.

Some days I snap. I cry. I curse.
I mourn the day my world went off course.
And when I'm done I mop it up.
I gather my wits.
Nose in the air, I stick it up.
I stretch, I search, I reach from within.
I look for a talent that is uniquely me.
I do my best knowing it may never be enough.
I do it still to prove my worth.
My push.
My driving force.
What you call disability
Heralds thisABILITY.

I must have read this piece a million times but my reaction is the same everytime I read it.
I feel like crying but still the tears won't come out!
"...I'm sad inside, and nobody knows it but me."

Just thinking

I'm thinking...
Thinking of nothing in particular.... Or maybe sumtin..
Like how did I get here? How did I suddenly become this person I am today?
Then my mind flips...and suddenly I remember this song babyface did for his friend named bobby..
Simple days...that's the title of the song.
What won't I give for those simple days?
When I had absolutely no worries.
When I had nothing on my mind but to eat, go to school....and probably eat again. Every other thing in between was inconsequential... Every other thing was nothing.
In those simple days, I didn't have to read to come first in class. Didn't have to think about my next meal and how it will come. Didn't have to bother about what tomorrow will bring.
Least I bothered about, was not having the latest nintendo! :D
Wow, those simple days were really simple times.
And its almost like I can palpate them right now...
Then suddenly suddenly!.....
Its like the world has turned on its head.
Responsibilities are being thrust upon you from all planes. You barely even have tym to think.
If its not the responsibilities at work, its about the future of your career.
If its not family(and I'm not even married yet), then its the fact that your not even married yet!.
I'm bothered about having so many recurrent expenses and as if I'm mad, I'm looking at adding a few more to the list!.
Now I have to read, read and read again just to pass. Lol, who cares about coming first in class?
I now care about world business and stocks.....
I even have to update my blog :(
Phew!!!
Well, I'm just thinking...

Then my mind does a backflip to last week.
Went with a company's driver to pick someone up from the airport. Then he gave us 100 dollars each.
And there I sat as the driver couldn't stop thanking me and God for the day.
The 100 dollars meant everything to him.
He was gonna pay his little debt, stock his house with some food and buy his little daughter that toy she so much deserves.
Best part for him is he was gonna do all these before his pay(which is just a little more than the amount he just received) comes at the end of the month!
Under my breath I said a little prayer, 'God, I know I'm not where I want to be yet and I keep disturbing You about this. But I thank You for where and who I am today'.....
Cos to me a 100 dollars could as well be another bottle of tequila at marquee on a friday night!
I looked at him again and I sat there thinking....

Then I find myself driving...
It feels like the same year cos my car stereo is blasting track 4 from M.I's latest album...
But every other thing seems different!
It feels like I'm driving on the autobahn.... but a road sign has an arrow pointing to ojuelegba...
This is definitely ikorodu road!
But there are no yellow buses... and EVERYONE is obeying the traffic lights!
On my right a vehicle just paused at a zebra crossing for pedestrians to cross....and ahead of me, lagosians are actually using the pedestrian foot bridges!
In my haze I pulled into a large parking lot.
Its a big mall but I can't quite see the name now.
I walk in and there are a lot of people waiting to be attended to. But something is funny here...
Everyone is nicely arranged on a queue. And... Is that the minister of health I see on a queue there??
Flustered, I turn to the warden at the mall and ask, 'what's todays date please'?
And he replies, 'oga, na december 2010 we dey nah!?'. 'Next week na christmas'.
It can't be!!!
I rush to the restroom, stared at myself in the mirror and said, 'wakeup bro! This must be a dream'!
I gave myself a brisk slap on the face....and I felt something wet. I brought my hand to my face and I see a tiny black speckle and some red fluid.

It didn't take me long to realise...

Tiny black speckle equals dead mosquitoe, red fluid equals mixture of my sweat n blood.

I look around and the scene is now more familiar...

I'm on my bed,....the year is truly 2010 cos there is no power as usual,..

...I've not been thinking...



I've been dreaming!!

LORD!.... We need to talk!

So I lost a friend. BIG DEAL right?! Everyone loses a friend to the cold hands of death once in a while. What's more, I'm sure you know it all Lord. Oyinda and I were not even that close right? She was just a junior colleague with whom I never had a five minute conversation. Just 'Hi' whenever we bumped into each other once in a while. I don't have her phone number, she doesn't have mine and HELL!,...we are not even friends on facebook. I agree Lord. But all these have nothing to do with all I'm about to spill so please lend me your ears. I know you have a lot of prayers to listen to and answer and the whole 'balancing the good and evil scale' is probably more important than the rantings of a grieving friend but PLEASE Lord!, I need a clue right now before I lose my mind!!

So, where do I start?

Ok! I know! Let's start from the whole balancing the good and evil scale! Dear Lord, is that scale truly being balanced?? Or maybe its not supposed to be because I look around me Lord and all I seem tosee is the constant depletion of the good. Yeah, I know I'm blabbing now. So let me just get straight to the point and link it all up. Why did you let Oyinda die Lord? Cos I'm sure you will agree that she's one of the good ones. Well, let's say she's not entirely good. No one is. But she is one of the few that comes very very close. How do I know? Well, people always tend to say good things about you when you are gone, but my Lord, I don't know of ANYONE who had anything bad to say about her even when she was alive! She was nice, peaceful and an FBI (Firm Believer InChrist). Let's not even talk about the fact that she was pregnant with an innocent child. I'll save that for when I can comprehend that. Why am I even mentioning all these?? You are the omni-EVERYTHING so you know all these! So please tell me Lord, is it that Oyinda didn't deserve to live?? Or is life just too cruel that you had to save her from it.

Off my head now Lord I can give an endless list of things I term 'the unfortunate mishaps of life'. I mean, instead of Oyinda and her friends, why shouldn't armed robbers get involved in auto accidents and die everytime they go to perpetuate their evil deeds?? That will definitely serve as a deterrent to other robbers don't you think? Why can't terrorists develop vasovagal syncope, drop, hit their heads and die everytime they plan to blow up a train or a plane?? Why do we have rich corrupt leaders who grow and blossom in corruption, live 'the-good-life', then one day give up their corrupt and messy pasts, accept u Lord, die peacefully in their sleep and then make heaven. (At least that's what THE book says!)
Why will a drunken driver survive an autocrash while innocent passengers all die?? Why should an innocent child be born with a congenital lesion that will eventually kill the child within a few days of life?? Why do some live through so much, then die in their prime? Is there a reason why you take some people at 70 and then take Oyinda at 28?? What parameters decide who lives and who dies Lord?

Am I asking the wrong questions?

Lord?

Lord??

Are you there?!......

THE REMAKE OF A ‘SACRED’ SONG

Let me say there are several people who presently just cannot do, say (or rap) wrong by me and jay-z happens to be at the top of that list. So, when he referred to the original ‘we are the world’ by Michael Jackson et al as one of those ‘sacred’ (maybe not his exact word) songs that shouldn’t be touched or remade, I sort of instantly agreed with him. However, after listening to and seeing the video of the remake, with all due respect Hova, you and I might disagree just a lil on this one because let’s face it; the remake was for a good cause. A very very good one if I might add and besides, (apart from that rap towards the end of the song) Wyclef et al did a splendid job.

Well, I just can’t leave that rap part for later. NOOOOO!!!! WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT BY THE WAY???? I can’t believe great minds like Quincy Jones, Lionel Richie, Wyclef, Will.i.am etc will team up, make, sit down, review, master and REVIEW a song AGAIN, then decide to let such a crappy part find its way into a holy remake of a ‘sacred’ song. NOOO!!! Granted we are presently in this age where every good remix is characterised by some form of fancy rap or the other but W.T.F!!!! Like they would say in this country I recently visited; NA BY FORCE??!!!

Now, minus the above, GREAT PIECE! First and foremost, nice idea to leave MJ in it. The king of pop stood out from beyond the grave (not like you expect less right?). I have listened to both versions(original and remake) back to back several times and I felt very glad to conclude that these artists of the new age can steadily hold their own against the greats. Artist for artist, not bad at all. I was particularly impressed with justin bieber mixing with the old boys and girls (pray his career is not familiarly abruptly halted by the vices of his time: you know what I mean ;) and nice infusion of personal styles from lil Wayne, T-pain and Akon.

I think the major trip for me was getting to compare and appreciate the sweet voices of some of our female artists. Nicole Sherzinger, Jennifer Hudson (who needs to loosen up a bit when singing: thank you Jamie Fox! :D), Jasmine Sullivan and was that PINK??? You have to forgive this critic for not checking up on this to confirm but....was that Pink??..... GREAT voice! (at least contrary to what I used to believe). Kindly forgive me for all the bad things I have said about you in the past Pink. :D

And now to the reason why I woke up in the middle of the night to write this. The first time I listened to this remake, I was just waiting for one part. The part, in the original, where Cyndi lauper totally blew the tempo of the song to the skies. I patiently waited for who, of these present crop of male and female singers combined, would pull this off. I held my breath...... ..... ......then it came..... (OMG!).....and I still couldn’t exhale! (of course eventually I did :D). Permit me to say, without a doubt, that celine dion is unarguably the greatest vocalist of our time. I bet Cyndi herself yelled THANK YOU when she heard that part (wherever she is). Little wonder why they’ve begged celine to come back to vegas. Even the world would feel empty without her! Needless to say, my best part of the original remains my best part of the remake. God bless you Celine Dion.

When its all been said and done, one can only conclude that the original ‘we are the world’ is a wonderfully written piece, conducted by great minds and performed by exceptional artists. It is hence a great song whose greatness has lingered through time such that it is now referred to as a ‘sacred’ song. Credit must therefore go to the people that made the remake for being stoic, for giving us an equally breathtaking facsimile and for their great initiative though many of us would still prefer to always click the skip button whenever it gets to that rap part (oh that rap part!..... WHY?!?!?). I am principally happy with and for the artists that performed in this remake (with the exception of those that rapped of course!) and for this excellent attempt, I totally forgive them for daring to touch a ‘sacred’ song and I encourage Mr. Carter to do the same.