Nobody knows it but Me

So here I am, 1.18 a.m december 31st 2010, awake and bloody pissed off!
(Damn! I almost made it through 2010 without having to think about this for once!)
So I wakeup to go take a leak and to get off my bed, I had to support my left leg with my hand. An action that would ordinarily mean nothing.
But right now it does...
Cos that sentence I read some hours ago is suddenly pasted in my head again!
Tears rush to my eyes but won't come out.
Words rush to my head but no one to listen.
So I turn to my laptop. I turn to the ink of my mind.
But then I paused. These words are not kind words and in my rage, they definitely will not come out well. Most importantly, I think I'll offend God. And inspite of all these, He's been very good to me.
So I turn to the words of my friend misstee in this wonderful piece titled "thisABILITY" (she must have been reading my mind when she wrote this)


In a crowd I am jostled
From right to left I hobble
A condition without remedy
A fixture in stand up comedy
The sound of the laughter
A contrast to my life's chapter
I swallow my misgivings
On bent legs I earn a living.

I long to be wanted
Appreciated
Celebrated
But with your eyes I'm castigated
Relegated
Rejected
Most times isolated
A price paid for a condition not I created.

Some days I snap. I cry. I curse.
I mourn the day my world went off course.
And when I'm done I mop it up.
I gather my wits.
Nose in the air, I stick it up.
I stretch, I search, I reach from within.
I look for a talent that is uniquely me.
I do my best knowing it may never be enough.
I do it still to prove my worth.
My push.
My driving force.
What you call disability
Heralds thisABILITY.

I must have read this piece a million times but my reaction is the same everytime I read it.
I feel like crying but still the tears won't come out!
"...I'm sad inside, and nobody knows it but me."